(c) copyrighted: cassi
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Please do NOT watch the eye 10 people. It's not good.

There's going to be another part on school here:

The speeches. The production. The filming. The Bauhaus rushing. The cramming of medisoc and marketing. The writing. The citing. The researching. The webgra everything. The socpsyh I-don't-know-what. The radio everything. The stuff I've learnt. The people I've met. The stoning at al ameen or where ever. The everything la. (Wong is going to kill me with all the sentence fragments here.) Okay, I shall stop it about school. Cos it's going to start again in two months.
And I only have two months to slack.

Oh.. I bought yet another pair of shoes. Heh.. so shoot me. I can't help it. But I need white heels anyways..

Went to essential brew with three of the four gays today. It's so nice there.. It's so pretty.. I want to live there.

Life's been pretty much of a roller coster ride the last few days. And I've made a decision. I think.. Now it's all about keeping to it, no matter how much I don't want to. I have to stop hoping and wishing. Cos it only makes me feel worse. Cos I know the reply and the outcome. So why hurt myself? Keep to my decision I guess..

I just thank God for friends..

Alright, I'm off.



Saturday, March 26, 2005
Lying in bed last night, I realised that I wasn't worrying about anything in particular. And it felt quite good. It was such a different feeling. I haven't felt like that in quite long. The semester is over. Finally over. I hope I don't have to repeat anything. But the point is - the sem is over. What a relief.

The part about school
I really thank God for school. No matter how much I seem like I hate it. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Or studying anything else for that matter. T104 and T109 are fantastic. I've gotten to know such wonderful people. I can safely say that we aren't as bitchy as other classes seem to be and we don't hate each other. It's just been really great to be in this class. I don't think I want to trade classes with anyone. And cos we allwill get shuffled around next sem, I just want to tell you all that you all have been wonderful. We make a good class don't you think..
And outside of class, I've also gotten to know and love so many others. You all know who you are.
I loved school. The good and the bad parts. Yes, even the down moments that seemed so terrible. I got through it. That's the important thing.
We got through year one people. Now for the next two years..

The part about how much I love my friends
I do love you. All of you. Even if I don't say it or show it. I know I'm mean. But almost everytime, I don't mean it. I love you all. I do, I do. My churchies, jane, my classmates, the now defunct dormant clan, the four gays.. You all have been so wonderful. Been there through my worst times. Seen me at my worse. I love you all..

The part about my shopping
I bought this top yesterday while out with jane and the gays. And this tweed bag while out with danie today. I want a sundress. The one from mango to be specific. But they don't have it in S. I want a prairie skirt too. And quite a few other stuff i saw while out yesterday and today. Okay, I think i need to save cash and stop buying so many things. Oh well..

Alright, this is all for now. Ask me out people. I need to keep myself busy and from thinking.

Hugs & kisses. Fifi loves you all..


Monday, March 21, 2005
Killer heels. But I still love them..

Remembering what jo said, it's true. You need to accept someone and not change the person to what you want them to be.

Alright, I just want to thank XW and nic for their help again. Happy xw? Big thanks to you.
And darling jane, who was there when i felt so shitty yesterday.
Contagious confusion. Me passing mine to her, her passing hers to me.
And I'm sorry for snapping you yesterday nic, I wasn't in a good mood. But that's still no excuse. So I'm sorry..

Alright, john's playing some weird techno crap on the keyboard in the audio lab right now. And I don't know what to blog about anymore. 'cept that I don't want to study for marketing. Too much to cram into my head.

Oh! And Bro Nat and Sis Pat are back! So the kiddys are back too! Hehs.. I love john and geoff! JG fanclub!

Okay, Aki wants to say something before I leave.
Aki: We don't want to talk about love. We just want to get drunk.

I'm off to lunch. See you all my darlings.
I love all of you. Hugs&kisses. <3
edit (8:34pm) >> Am I being over-sensitive? I don't like being confused. I don't like not knowing.
Oh. And I should be in school tomorrow. Msg me or something if you want to see me.


Saturday, March 19, 2005
Contagious confusion.
I'm giving space and I'm giving time.
I am..
But I don't get how one can get to know someone better by not contacting them. Not a simple message or sms or whatever.

Anyways, I love my new x:odus heels!
Had lunch with darling jane and dragged her to shop around with me for a bit.
And she could spare the time cos the lovely xw and nic have agreed to help teach us flash.
Haven't shopped in so long I think I've lost my touch. And I spent time shopping instead of studying. Fi the procrastinator.
Oh. And I was so tired that when I got off the bus, I walked in the opposite direction of my house. Then when I realised that it's the wrong direction, I stopped suddenly and walked in the other way. And the people around me stared at me weirdly. Fi the lunatic.

Alright, enough ramblings from me.
Just want to thank you all lovelies - jane, xw, nic, and my darling girl. I love you all. I do..
Plastic world out there. Thank God I have you all.

And to you if you're reading this - contact me if you want to. Otherwise, I'll make myself feel the other way.

Alright, I love you all. Hugs&kisses. [:
And I love my new heels!

Heading to church now for jon's birthday thingy.
Happy belated birthday jonny. See you in an hour. [:


Thursday, March 17, 2005
Shit happens.
Always does.
I should be used to that.
Then why does it still hurt so?
I've been through it before.
You knew.
But you still did it.
I don't know how I'm feeling.
I don't know how to feel.
You said you were very sure.
More than that you said.
But apparently not..
You said I didn't represent her.
All that was a lie.
Was everything else a lie as well?
I know nothing.
Our expiry date has reached already anyways.
What was I expecting..
What a dope I've been.
I'm hurting.
And I can't help it.
Am I not good enough?
Obviously not..
You let me fall thinking you were there to catch me.
But now you're not there anymore.
I'm there to fall alone.
And it hurts like hell.
You said not to assume.
But now my assumption is obviously right.
They say time heals all wounds.
Does it?
It better..
I need to heal.
This hurts too much.
I don't even know why I'm hurting.
Cos this is the best way out.
And I want out after what you've done.
I need to heal.
I just need to.
I have to.
I don't have a choice.
I liked being in your arms.
I still might.
But that doesn't matter anymore.
I'm just not good enough.

And everything was a lie.

Stop being a wuss and a wimp and face up to life.
Stop being so afraid of everything.
You can't run away from everything your entire life.

I don't want to say anything more.
I've said more than enough.
I'm not good enough.
He doesn't know anything.
And everything was a lie.


Friday, March 11, 2005
I went to 'walkwalk' with fizah at the atrium's bazaar toady.

Fizah wanted me to say that.

And she said: "Can you imagine if we had ears at the back of our heads?"
Then she proceeded to put the earphone on the back of zat's head.
How interesting... such a deep thought eh..


Monday, March 07, 2005
I had a great time today! Guess what I did.. I rode on a bike to sungwei buloh and played the swing! Not bad eh..

I helped izzy and khai with their photog assignment today. And I died in the end. It was such a sadistic script. I die then my acting bf commits suicide and dies as well. But seriously, do you think you'd love someone so much that your life crumbles cos he/she's not around anymore and you'd take your own life? It's quite sad man..

Anyways, that's about all. I just want to say I had fun today. With all the people. The two photographers, my acting bf, and even the two robbers who killed me. Ha..

Right, I'm off to bed soon. I can't skip socpsyh anymore.
Night world. [:

p.s. hugs and kisses to the people today for making today so fun! <3